I’m currently making banana bread, sorting clothes, listing items on ebay, planning dinner and oh yeah writing this blog post. I want to call all my friends, make all the plans and do all the things. I know I’m hypomanic.
“Hypomania is a mood state characterized by persistent disinhibition and pervasive elevated (euphoric) or irritable mood but generally less severe than full mania. Characteristic behaviors are extremely energetic, talkative, and confident commonly exhibited with a flight of creative ideas” – Wikipedia
In this mood state I need less sleep and my brain and body don’t let me rest even if I try. The problem is the less I sleep the worse the episode gets and could turn into full mania.
“Mania is a state of abnormally elevated arousal, affect, and energy level, or “a state of heightened overall activation with enhanced affective expression together with lability of affect.” Although mania is often conceived as a “mirror image” to depression, the heightened mood can be either euphoric or irritable.” – Wikipedia
These definitions are vague…. the way my psychiatrist puts it is that Hypomania doesn’t usually wreck havoc on your life where full Mania does….Hypomania you may want to talk to everyone, make tons of plans and start lots of projects that don’t get finished but full Mania you spend money you don’t have, take risks like quit your job on a whim to become a piccolo player (when you’ve never played one in your life) and even lose touch with reality.
So what’s the problem with Hypomania then right??? Who doesn’t want to be super social and productive on less sleep??
I read somewhere that Hypomania is actually my body’s defense system against depression. It is pretty much the opposite of Depression. That makes sense to me. That’s why when I’m Hypomanic and I sit down to rest I feel like I’m buzzing with electricity. I need to keep going, keep doing, more, more, more. If I slow down the Depression will creep in on me like a fog.
When Mania sets in for me I get extremely irritable, not euphoric… when I can’t be busy for some reason or something is not going as planned I feel actual physical discomfort ant then pain. My chest feels on fire and tears pour down my face. I could run a marathon and not be tired. I am not myself(when I’m myself I have no desire to run unless a bear is chasing me ) I want to argue with everyone and I get extremely frustrated with the fact that i can’t talk fast enough or do anything as fast as my brain is working. My body can’t keep up with it.
One time while manic I was trying to bake and cook and clean and talk on the phone and I was moving so fast I walked into the freezer door and knocked myself flat on my ass.
I am relieved that now I at least have a basic understanding of what is going on. Now when hypmania sets in I call me psychiatrist . She usually adjusts my meds. Right now since I am pregnant my dose is going to continually change because my body mass is continually changing and growing a baby. I have more blood running through my veins so my meds have to be adjusted to compensate . It’s kind of annoying. When the meds get adjusted it takes a week for me to get adjusted. I get drowsy and feel strange as I get my bearings again.
But like I said I’m grateful that I have the information and help available. Before, I was running. Running so I didn’t have to hear what depression had to say. Running because in a way it numbed the discomfort. Running from myself.